I live in a large co-op apartment building in Manhattan. Our staff is lovely and caring. A staff member told me that a resident is getting very forgetful and that she likes to spend her time in the lobby. I asked if she had family and was told she had only one brother in Japan. I was probably chosen as a confidante because I cared for my husband who had Alzheimer’s at home. Despite that experience, I was at a loss to give advice.
One day, I got on the elevator with this lovely, forgetful neighbor. She could not remember the number of the floor on which she lived. I offered to accompany her downstairs to learn her apartment number. She thanked me but was naturally embarrassed at the need for help and declined. She acknowledged that she was getting forgetful, and I told her my husband had the same problem and I understood.
I now find myself very worried about what will happen to this nice lady who has no one to help her. The thought has also crossed my mind that she may be a danger not only to herself but also to others living in the building. I am aware of the right of an individual to age in place versus the need for assistance, but this can’t be a unique problem. Is there a protocol for managing agents of buildings to follow? Linda, New York
A big question here is whether your neighbor has a diagnosed condition and is aware of it. Saying “I’m getting forgetful” is different from acknowledging you have dementia. (And yes, that’s usually Alzheimer’s, though other culprits include vascular dementia, Lewy body dementia and frontotemporal dementia.) Even if she does know her diagnosis, she may find it embarrassing — or anxiety-producing — to discuss it with strangers. But it would be a great kindness to sit down with her sometime, which shouldn’t be so hard if she spends a lot of time in the lobby. Having looked after your husband, you know a good deal about Alzheimer’s care. So one thing you can do is help her recognize that, if Alzheimer’s is what she has, there are things she can do to prepare for further decline. The government’s National Institute on Aging has a helpful website that offers advice on how to make a home safer for a person with Alzheimer’s. There are steps she can take to reduce the risks to herself and the rest of the building. Some of these the staff or the management agency can help with. If they’re reluctant, you could mention it to the co-op board. To the extent that there’s a genuine risk of harm to her or to others in the building, they have good reason to take action.
But at some point, she’s likely to require regular support and perhaps a move into an assisted-living facility. How all that develops will depend, in part, on her financial circumstances. She’ll need help, though, in thinking it all through. New York City’s Department for the Aging provides many forms of assistance and advice, and if one of you calls 311, someone will be able to direct you to the right people. You should also bring up the issue of whether she should discuss her situation with her brother. Often an outsider can help someone face up to the necessity of doing something they’re reluctant to do, and bringing in a family member might help.
You sound willing to make the commitment to intervene here. But there are two important caveats. One is that she may simply not want your help. Even then, you ought to notify the managing agents or city officials if you have serious safety concerns. The other worry is that, in beginning to assist in the ways I recommend, you may end up being drawn into a demanding relationship. You know what it’s like to take care of someone with Alzheimer’s. You need to decide if you can face doing something like that again for someone with whom you don’t have the intimate connection you had with your spouse. It’s important, that is, to be clear with yourself at the start how much you’re willing to do. In a familiar paradox, the more you do for her, the more she will expect of you and rely on you, and — the important point, ethically speaking — the more she will be entitled to your support.
I live in a quiet urban neighborhood, above a public garden. A homeless man hangs out there most days, reading a newspaper, looking through his belongings; he never bothers anyone. At night, he sleeps on one of the benches. He’s about 65, relatively well kept and very quiet; he’s not asking for money.
I began saying hello every time I saw him. I would like to speak with him, to understand his situation and see if I can help him out. But I hesitate to start a conversation because we’ll become friendly acquaintances. I already feel terrible about that first day that it will be really cold or that it starts raining. How will I look him in the eye and rush past him to get to my warm home? This anxiety dictates my current “apathy” toward him, and I hate it. Any suggestions? Galia, Tel Aviv
You’re feeling the force of the paradox I just mentioned: Engagement with people can create obligations, and that consideration can discourage us from engaging. In Tel Aviv, where you live, there’s another complication: The Ministry of Social Affairs and Social Services regulations say that, unless he’s a citizen, a homeless person seeking assistance must be “in a state of physical and/or emotional neglect.” People who are presentable, like your acquaintance, may not get help.
Let me encourage you to do the thing you’re afraid of doing: Treat him with respect as a fellow human being, showing you’re willing to converse with him not so much as someone who needs help but as an equal. He may or may not want help, advice, money or other forms of assistance. He may not even want conversation. You won’t know until you engage. And what you’ll be willing to do later is going to depend on what you find out. Maybe, for example, you could find out whether he knows about the services for the homeless, including soup kitchens, that are available in the city and aren’t necessarily government supported. If he doesn’t, one thing you can do and he can’t is go online and look them up for him. You can certainly decide ahead of time that you will draw the line at offering him shelter yourself. And if, at some point, that seems like a natural thing to do, it will be because you’ve come to know and like him.
When I was in eighth grade at a parochial school in the Midwest, I received a scholarship to the high school as the No. 1 student. This was a school tradition. For 70 years, I have felt guilty that the No. 2 student transferred to the public high school instead of continuing his Catholic education. My family was not wealthy, but I would have gone to the Catholic high school whether it was free or not. Should we have refused the scholarship so that someone more needy could use it? Name Withheld
You assume that going to a normal public high school in the Midwest rather than your parochial school would give No. 2 a serious handicap. You don’t have to lack respect for Catholic education to wonder if that’s true. Have you looked into what happened to this person? Even if he or she would have been better off at your school, you weren’t condemning him or her to a life of ignorance and penury.
The scholarship was evidently meant to encourage hard work in the parochial school and to express respect for the student who did best. It doesn’t seem to have been a response to financial need. Your thought is that the world would have been a much better place if you’d both gone to the school you consider superior. Even if that were true, you and your parents were entitled to take advantage of the opportunity you earned. You are morally permitted to weigh your family’s interests and your own over the interests of others. Of course, if the alternative for No. 2 was genuinely terrible, you would have had good reason to try to transfer the opportunity to your classmate. But you provide no reason to think he or she was truly disadvantaged by the outcome. Perhaps you regret that his or her religious faith was not strengthened by further Catholic education; but in worldly respects, for all we know, your classmate may have come out ahead.B:
【吕】【太】【在】【拿】【出】【这】【把】【碧】【绿】【色】【的】【长】【弓】【之】【后】，【也】【是】【自】【信】【道】：“【万】【霍】【长】【老】，【现】【在】【退】【出】【斗】【法】，【承】【认】【我】【是】【太】【玄】【龟】【的】【主】【人】【还】【来】【得】【及】！” 【面】【对】【吕】【太】【的】【自】【信】，【万】【霍】【却】【是】【强】【顶】【着】【头】【皮】【回】【吼】【道】：“【想】【让】【我】【放】【弃】【太】【玄】【龟】，【那】【不】【可】【能】！【就】【凭】【你】【结】【丹】【境】【中】【期】【的】【修】【为】，【就】【算】【有】【这】【件】【中】【品】【法】【宝】【那】【又】【如】【何】？！！” “【灵】【象】！” 【吕】【太】【虽】【然】【略】【有】【紧】【张】，【但】
“【所】【以】【说】【就】【是】【这】【个】【样】【子】【了】。”【马】【丁】【话】【音】【刚】【落】，【看】【到】【愣】【在】【门】【前】【的】【塔】【尼】【娅】【之】【后】，【看】【了】【看】【对】【面】【沙】【发】【的】【那】【个】【人】，【对】【塔】【尼】【娅】【偷】【偷】【示】【意】【了】【个】【眼】【色】。【她】【的】【脸】【色】【微】【微】【一】【白】。 【不】【用】【马】【丁】【给】【眼】【色】，【她】【便】【知】【道】【谁】【来】【了】——【可】【这】【个】【家】【伙】【是】【怎】【么】【进】【来】【的】？【守】【在】【城】【堡】【外】【面】【的】【可】【不】【是】【黑】【湖】【骑】【士】【才】【对】。 【塔】【尼】【娅】【从】【来】【不】【是】【一】【个】【矫】【情】【的】【人】，【看】【到】【这】
【【导】【语】】【分】【手】【了】，【就】【跟】【对】【方】【说】【拜】【拜】【了】？【如】【果】【你】【的】【前】【任】【正】【是】【以】【下】【这】【几】【个】【星】【座】，【分】【手】【就】【甭】【想】【可】【以】【一】【刀】【切】【了】，【他】【们】【是】【不】【会】【就】【这】【样】【轻】【易】【放】【手】【的】，【分】【个】【手】【戏】【也】【挺】【多】【的】，【千】【方】【百】【计】【不】【让】【你】【好】【过】，【挺】【可】【怕】【的】！三中三16+34+39买50元【这】【个】【世】【界】【上】【永】【远】【都】【没】【有】【永】【恒】【的】【敌】【人】，【在】【利】【益】【面】【前】，【敌】【人】【会】【转】【变】【成】【朋】【友】，【同】【样】【也】【在】【利】【益】【面】【前】，【朋】【友】【也】【会】【转】【换】【为】【敌】【人】。 【既】【然】【骷】【髅】【协】【会】【在】【之】【前】【很】【长】【一】【段】【时】【间】【没】【有】【对】【墨】【晨】【与】【展】【涛】【下】【手】，【那】【这】【一】【次】【也】【绝】【不】【会】【是】【鸿】【门】【宴】，【因】【为】【要】【杀】【两】【人】【早】【就】【可】【以】【动】【手】【了】，【大】【把】【的】【机】【会】。 【而】【社】【长】【大】【人】【会】【选】【择】【面】【见】【两】【人】，【那】【就】【说】【明】【这】【两】【人】【目】【前】【还】【有】
【莱】【茵】【笑】【着】【看】【向】【艾】【瑞】【莉】【娅】【和】【有】【着】【询】【问】【目】【光】【的】【凯】【恩】，“【如】【果】【我】【说】【概】【率】【是】【在】【百】【分】【之】【五】【十】，【殿】【下】【会】【怎】【样】【决】【择】？” 【撤】【退】【或】【者】【其】【它】？ “【莱】【茵】【阁】【下】，【我】【不】【得】【不】【提】【醒】【你】，【现】【在】【是】【战】【时】【情】【况】，【你】【作】【为】【殿】【下】【的】【臣】【民】【有】【责】【任】【将】【你】【了】【解】【到】【的】【情】【况】【如】【实】【准】【确】【回】【答】【给】【殿】【下】。”【艾】【瑞】【莉】【娅】【身】【边】【一】【位】【约】【莫】【二】【十】【几】【岁】【的】【青】【年】【语】【气】【严】【肃】【认】【真】【的】【说】【道】，“【而】
10【日】【晚】，SuperM【成】【员】【黄】【旭】【熙】、【李】【永】【钦】、【李】【泰】【容】、【李】【马】【克】【因】“SuperM WE ARE THE FUTURE LIVE【美】【国】【巡】【演】”【日】【程】【经】【由】【仁】【川】【国】【际】【机】【场】【出】【发】【前】【往】【美】【国】【达】【拉】【斯】，【巡】【演】【加】【油】！
“【为】【什】【么】【不】【肯】【放】【过】【我】？”【沈】【晏】【之】【十】【指】【掐】【进】【泥】【土】，【脸】【上】【沾】【着】【泥】【土】，【漆】【黑】【的】【眸】【子】【里】【蕴】【着】【滔】【天】【的】【恨】【意】，【他】【用】【沙】【哑】【的】【声】【音】【质】【问】。 【一】【个】【艳】【丽】【的】【身】【影】【从】【重】【重】【包】【围】【中】【缓】【缓】【走】【出】【来】，【身】【后】【跟】【着】【好】【几】【名】【骄】【矜】【的】【侍】【女】【帮】【忙】【提】【着】【红】【裙】【的】【长】【摆】，【生】【怕】【脚】【下】【的】【泥】【土】【弄】【脏】【了】【衣】【裙】。 【正】【是】【燕】【国】【最】【尊】【贵】【的】【公】【主】，【王】【储】【的】【唯】【一】【人】【选】。【耀】【眼】【的】【火】【光】【照】【亮】【漆】
【都】【需】【得】【我】【跑】【这】【一】【趟】。 【身】【边】【有】【枫】【叶】【保】【护】【我】【的】【安】【全】。 【还】【有】【一】【个】【丫】【鬟】【跟】【着】。 【这】【些】【年】，【我】【享】【受】【了】【孤】【独】，【孤】【独】【如】【影】【随】【形】。 【没】【有】【左】【湛】【在】【身】【边】，【我】【总】【是】【孤】【独】。 【我】【很】【少】【再】【显】【露】【于】【人】【前】，【这】【次】【也】【拒】【绝】【韩】【砾】【提】【供】【的】【护】【卫】【保】【护】。 【我】【很】【少】【出】【过】【这】【般】【远】【门】，【远】【也】【是】【其】【次】，【是】【个】【贫】【瘠】【的】，【陌】【生】【的】【地】【方】。 【又】【靠】【着】【边】【境】。